Divorce

» jazzy7 - daughter refuses to have relationship with Ex.

Since our recent separation, my 12yr old daughter refuses to have anything to do with her father. It has been 2 months since she has spoken to him. I do not want to force her, and I want to support her decisions, but is this normal? What do I do?

-- posted by jazzy7

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» maj04 - daughter refuses to have relationship with Ex.

In response to daughter refuses to have relationship with Ex. posted by jazzy7:

I am a single mother also and I have been for 10yrs. Throughout those ten years my children went through several different stages of getting mad at their father, and not wanting to go visit or just not wanting to talk with him. I have always been open and honest with my children about me and their dad and explained why we did not work out as brief as possible, simply stating we just didnt get along anymore and we both knew we would be better parents to you seperately. When they were mad at him, I would ask them to explain to me why they are so upset with him and then I pointed out all of the positives about their dad and the positives about having him in their lives and then I asked them if they thought this was the right way to handle the situation and then mentioned where the phone is, after our talk they always called their dad and made things right, I didnt have to force them. Children go through different emotions but I feel our job as their parent is to respect and support the other parent regardless of the issues between you and your former spouse. You thought enough about the person to have a child with him, then teach your child that it is important to have both parents in their life. As your child grows up and becomes an adult they will have a huge amount of respect for you because you kept neutral in this situation and they learn from you, because you are a positive role model, you are not "dad" bashing and you are being a friend by giving your child guidance but letting them make the decision to call, you are teaching your child to make good decisions. Your daughter will respect you more for that, believe me, my children do, one is now an adult and she is so grateful that I never behaved in a manner that we have recently witnessed with a friend of ours. She has indicated on several occassions that she is so happy that I did not act like that when I divorced her dad. Your Job as a parent is to set a good example even if it is tough!!! Good Luck and I am sure your daughter will make the right decision and you sound like a good mom by not forcing her, let her make the decision.

-- posted by maj04

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» bittersweet7853 - daughter refuses to have relationship with Ex.

In response to daughter refuses to have relationship with Ex. posted by maj04:

Hello:
I'm glad I found this site, its nice to know that I am not alone. In regards to our kids and their relationship with their dad---I have a 15 year old daughter and 13 year old son, my daughter is wise beyond her years and over the years,I have learned not to "bash" their dad and gave the same statement that we are better parents apart then together. Over time they both are coming to their own conclusions as to why we went our separate ways---I try to delicately listen and nod, I don't defend because they are dead on. I have tried to be a better person, and have let some of the anger go--life is good, and I think as long as you can somehow relay that to your kids, they will come into their own opinions. Our jobs is to keep them safe and let them know that they are loved for who they are.We have no control for the other parent nor should we make excuses for them.

-- posted by bittersweet7853

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